Soul Survivor Graduates

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This is a late greenbelt post!

On the programme this year at Greenbelt was Matt Redman. This was very surprising and at the same time unsurprising as GB positions itself in the ‘broad’ camp someone like Matt ticks the conservative evangelical and charismatic boxes. As it happens it tick many peoples boxes.

There were about 3500-4500 people at the mainstage for Matt’s worship gig. And as I was processing this phenomenon, [whilst not worshiping!], I wondered whether I was surrounded by fellow graduates? Those older teens and young adults who we with Soul Survivor in the early days of the early 1990′s and who frankly are now too old even for Momentum. But who also have diversified in there spirituality and prefer a place like Greenbelt than New Wine, the perhaps more natural grassing ground for SS graduates?

Evangelical Diversified

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A huge part of my motivation and inspiration for research comes out of my own story and journey as a follower of Jesus. The first church I went to was a large town centre Baptist Church that was evangelical and charismatic. Since I came from a non-church background, the doctrine and practice that flowed from this church experience became normative. 20 months later I was at London Bible College, large, evangelical, slightly charismatic and quite baptist. Of course these are retrospective labels since I had no idea what an evangelical was before I was well into my time at LBC. Church experience at LBC was mixed but generally along the same theme. After LBC, I was at a mid-sized CofE Church in North London that was ‘generically evangelical’ [my label]. One year later I was an Assistant Pastor at a mid-sized Baptist church again that was conservatively evangelical and embarrassingly charismatic [they were embarrassed to realise they were charismatic]. And then in a very surprising [to me at least] move I became senior staff in a large CofE, conservative evangelical and recovering charismatic church. Finally in a very surprising to everyone else move I became an Ordinand at Ripon College Cuddesdon of liberal catholic fame.

These episodes in my journey lead me to reflect on my own diversification as an evangelical this is what I came up with.

Charismatic Evangelical [1992-1994] Describes where on the spectrum I was converted into.

Doctrinally Disillusioned Evangelical [1994-1996] Is how I felt when I realised you needed to go to bible college to discover who Jesus is and the resultant belief-melt-down that follows.

Post Post Evangelical [1997-1998] Is how I described myself at the public debate with Dave Tomlinson after seeing how scattered and in some places ‘obvious’ his arguments were.

‘Edge of the World’ Evangelical [199-2001] As opposed to Open Evangelical. That place where you are at the edge of the ‘flat’ world, since flat is how the doctrine felt, and wanting to take a step to get off or out, and yet finding nothing to step on to or in to.

New Kind of Evangelical [2001-2004] After reading book of similar title and seeing that it might just be degrees of perspective and there might yet be some life left in the old girl yet!

Cosmopolitan Evangelical [2005-] Since God’s call to Anglican Ordination; being neither Anglican or thinking about ordination up until that point. Cosmo because I know where I come from and don’t want to desert or abandon that past, despite trying to previously. But also wanting to be not just comfortable but actually at home in foreign places; to be able to encounter God, minister, lead, teach and live in a culture that is not my home. “To be ready to find God in the unexpected places.” To quote my selection application papers.

These diversifications have of course being supplemented with differing doctrine and practice, or least looking for such. It is with this background that I am engaging on the long process of exploring the stories of enrichment and division that emerge from other people’s diversified journeys.

No new theme but new focus

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Having played around with blogging for a while I have changed URL, blogging service and themes several times, but this time I have resisted this. I have had a blog-holiday for a little over 7 months and am now ready to start again with a slightly more focused approach; as reflected in the change of tagline. Let me explain…

I have officially begun my PhD on diversification within evangelicalism since 1980 and this will now be the focus of much of my thinking, reading and writing; but this is not just about a PhD. This research is as much about my own life and journey as it is about writing 100 000 words. A journey through the dark forests of evangelical spirituality and theology. A journey that has been travelled with friends and those who looked to me for leadership and inspiration. A journey that is by no means finished but one that already has the way-points mapped out in a curacy beginning in June 08.

So, in the context of life, mine and my friends, in the context of the on going ‘talk of God’, in the context of real life ministry, I hope this blog will now focus on the issues that arise from and feed into this piece of research that is set before me. I’ll use the tag / category ‘evangelicalism’, partly in the hope that this will be picked up else where too.

The Jigsaw of Theology, or Theology at the Edge.

Doing a Jigsaw

I realise there are several approaches, but when I do a jigsaw…

As I pour the pieces out of the box there may be some pieces that are still stuck together from the last time the puzzle was done, or even from manufacture. I may also spot certain attractive pieces that I recognise from the finished picture. I may even put these to one side. But the first real step is to sort out the edge pieces and do the edge. Once I have the edge done I can place those few pieces that are still stuck together and even those pieces that are easy to place because of their colour or texture.

I have this same technique when doing jigsaws with my kids. I tend to focus on getting the edge done which means that they then find it very easy to place the inside bits.

I find theology very similar.  There are lots of interesting bits, colourful and attractive – Jesus on the cross, heaven, feeding the 5000, love in 1 Corinthians. These bits in and of themselves obviously have depth and meaning and can be sources of inspiration and life change, but can become disconnected stories and theories without an edge. As with the jigsaw, the edge defines the relationship between the individual aspects of the picture and the stories those parts represent. It also provides a way into the picture as a whole. If the top of the edge is blue and the bottom is green these are clues as to the setting of the whole picture. The relationship between the blue and green tells us where the horizon is which in turn is a clue as to the content of the picture. It may even allow us to begin to tell what is in the foreground and what is in the background. The few exciting colourful pieces of the puzzle that together hold a picture of, say a hot-air balloon, are put in their place by the edge. The extent to which this hot-air balloon controls the whole picture is defined by the edge.

By now this metaphor and its insight into theology may be apparent. We can so often get caught by the beauty of a few pieces of the puzzle that we forget to do the edge and thus allow those pieces to be put in their place. In so doing we can become so blinded to the whole picture that the story of the few pieces become slightly distorted and disconnected.

I remember the time clearly when I realised this and stopped trying to think about the exciting pieces I had in my hand and started to focus on finding the edge pieces and putting the frame together.

What then are the edge pieces? My starter for ten is Trinity.

Flipside of Leadership – Problem Solving

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Sorry this is so long…!

Last time I wrote I explored the flipside of vision: a driven, forward looking almost urging desire to be somewhere else. This somewhere else is not, of course, necessarily a physical location, although it often is. Somewhere else can also be emotionally, intellectually, spiritually different from where you currently are. Though usually all of these aspects are involved in movement, or journey.

Along the way, in this journey, are all kinds of obstacles that need to be navigated and negotiated. Obstacles is perhaps the wrong word since it does imply that these ‘things’ are in the way: an obstruction, hindrance or difficulty. Leadership, on the other hand, is at a distinct disadvantage if it adopts such a perspective since the ‘things’ are almost certainly people. Whether directly of indirectly journey’s involve encountering people along the way. Directly with verbal opposition to the journey or destination. Indirectly with systems, procedures, traditions and habits that people hold, follow or instituted. A leader will not only have a vision of the the place to go, but they will also be able to navigate the journey, including the obstacles, which are now perhaps better described as ‘encounters’.

Navigation includes, although is not restricted to, appreciating the current landscape and the terrain of travel, perceiving and passing through the encounters. These abilities in navigation are part of the way the leader as a person ‘works’. There are not tools that the leader owns and can use as they want. There are there all the time.

Recently I attended the committee meeting of the local pre-school nursery that my Son attends. I was attending on behalf of my wife because Advertising was on the agenda and this is something I have had some input into. With six other people around the table, talking through various issues of staffing, premises, advertising, constitutions and trustees it you can gain some insight into how different people approach the tasks. Around the table there was quite clearly an administrator, someone who was very energised to do whatever was needed in the face of the current situation. What was lacking was a leader, someone who could perceive the journey and assess the current situation in the context of that journey and therefore approach the encounters in such a way that movement happens along the journey. For me, in the context of that hour, alongside addressing the simple questions of advertising and offering pervious experience of appointing trustees, I was caught up in seeing the vision of this place and drawing maps of the journey and the encounters along the way. I did not choose to do this, its just the way my thinking works. almost irresistible.

This blessing, of bringing to the community; church, business, association or organisation, a sense of journey and navigation also means that a leader can’t stop thinking in this way wherever they happen to be. I was once part of a chapliancy team at a local university. I was on site perhaps twice a week for an hour, alongside my then huge time demands from what was going on at church. Not long into this role I realised I was walking around with my head down, looking at the floor and not engaging as I walked through the campus to the Chapel [room put aside for such use]. This physical state was a manifestation of what was really going on; I was deliberately blinkering myself so I would not get caught up in a vision for mission within and on the campus. I wanted to arrive, do what was required of me and leave, and leave it behind as I walked back to my office and got on with the vision for mission that was consuming me at church.

Being wired up [to use a Bill Hybel’s phrase] for vision and navigation does not just express itself in ministry and local community group circles. It can also have very practical expressions. I have done a lot of DIY in my time; essentially refitting the 3 houses we have lived in since leaving London School of Theology in 97. When I am approaching a practical problem, be that from just painting a room through to relocating the central heating boiler in the loft, from building a deck through to converting the garage into a study and utility area, I use the same kind of wiring as I do in ministry situations. The wiring that enables me to see a vision of the completed task and to navigate my way through the steps to get there, constantly adjusting these steps to incorporate the new emerging landscape. I know several leaders, who express there leadership in vision and navigation, who similarly can approach all kinds of situations and work their way through, essentially making it up as they go along.

Given that I have saved myself what must be about £30,000+ and manage to deal with most household repairs and maintenance, why would this navigation aspect of leadership have a flipside?

Partly because you are constantly at risk of getting caught up in the next vision that comes along, sometimes several a day depending on what you are exposed to. I recently got caught up in two such visions and started two things up and now feeling like I really should have kept my mouth shut. Not because the things in question are bad, quite the contrary, they have brought some life where there was little, but because they have distracted me from what I currently perceive to be my main vision and calling. Don’t read that as me just being selfish, the need is for wisdom as to what one chooses to speak up about.

Secondly, because just because you can it does not mean you should. 5 years where most days off were DIY does something to you personhood that a lie-in on the odd Saturday does not solve!

A flurry of mission

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Yesterday, we woke to about 2 inches [4cm] of snow and to much excitement from our children who got dress much faster than I can remember for a while. Despite that, I was out of the door first on my way to morning prayer, therefore the first in our family to take in the full beauty of the whitened South Oxfordshire countryside and the first to crunch my boots down the garden path. It was great, a sight and experience that I have not had for a long time, even I was excited.

However, by lunchtime the landscape was much more colourful and the paths around college were more of a wet slush and unpleasant to walk through. By the time the school bus arrived the kids had to work hard at finding enough snow to fill their palms.

Since I had spent the morning reading about mission it was not surprising that such a parallel as this should occur to me:

Mission by the church is [at least in my experience], a little bit like an English snow fall. Very exciting at first with peoples enthusiasm and willingness raised. It is easy to find the extra effort to over come the difficulties that arise and it is even beautiful to see. But after this initial stage it all begins to fade away until it is more like a damp mess and it is both a source of disappointment and relief that it will all be over soon. By the end of the day we are actually very glad that things are back to normal and ordinary life returns. Glad of the experience, but also relieved that that doesn’t happen everyday! We’ll probably have a few photos embarrassingly showing ourselves over excited that it did snow even if we can’t actually remember it.

The Pit Workers of Canary Wharf

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The highlight of a Themed Study Week on Faith and Work was the trip to Canary Warf. Overseen by Fiona Stewart-Darling that included a visit around the Sales Centre, which included some fabulous models of the place, and some time at Morgan Stanley finance house. Lunch was hosted by Sir David Walker in the executive dinning area followed by a trip around the trading floors.

For our Christmas gift off Kate’s parents we had tickets to Billy Elliot. It was a great show, so much so that we are taking Anna our daughter for her Birthday. The show, as you might know, focuses of a mining community during the 1980 pit strikes and Billy’s newly found ballet talents. The family face the challenge of supporting Billy’s flight from nothing to the possibility of something, at the expense of physically letting him leave town and a serious amount of pride along the way.

At first sight there is little connection between these two trips except somewhere in David Walkers defence of Morgan Stanley and capitalism a fairly obvious point of connection emerged for me, between the life of a miner and that of a trader. Let me explain…

In the same way that miners, shipbuilders, factory workers and steel-makers where the backbone of not only our local communities but our GDP as a country, so to are, now, the traders and workers of our finance houses and banks. David Walker explained how the GDP of this country is as high as it is almost solely through the work of such places as Morgan Stanley. And his revealing of the typical lifestyle of some of his co-workers I could see that the physical dangers of mining had been exchanged for emtional and relational dangers for traders. How in both cases the work demanded long hours, hard toil and left its marks on the body of the worker.

Of course there are many points of disparity, such as the financial rewards, the comfortable lifestyle and early retirement. There are too differing motivations and expectations of the workers in these very different environments. But, the challenge to me was that as a Christian I think I have a romantic view of the loss of the communties round pits, yards and factories in contrast to my cynical and skeptical view of the life of a banker or trader. And yet they place in the life of the national community is probably not much different!

This observation, or connection in my mind has many points where it could fall down and perhaps far too many assumptions. But for me, whose ministry has largely been in commuter belt of London, God has enabled me to see these high earning, bonus chasing, people with long working hours and eternal communting times with new eyes. Not just because I now realise how much my own lifestyle, although poverty ridden in comparison, depends on them, but how much our national lifestyle and international influence is just as dependant on “a good week at work” for these bankers and traders. When you have £5bn moving across your screen in a given week you, having a good week at work seems a lot more desirable, and worth praying for, than managing to get a good order of service ready for Sunday.

Flipside of Leadership – Activism

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These episodes of flipside leadership won’t be in any kind of order. Partly because if I waited until I thought there were in an order I was happy with they might never get written.

Given that, let’s start with activism!

It strikes me that one of the primary defining aspects of a gift of leadership is something about direction. Leadership makes sense in the context of a journey, whether that is physical, spiritual, emotional or, what is normally the case, a complex mix of these and others descriptors. Perhaps the best phrase might be ‘human journey’. The thing that the leader brings to this journey, the thing that they are best positioned to bring, is a vision of the future. The leader, if you like points to Point C of the journey. Point A being where you have come from and Point B being where you currently are. Since this is one of the moments when the leader is at their peak, a moment of looking forward, reaching ahead, urging movement and stirring active imagination, then they tend to embody these journey attributes of movement.

This embodiment of these attributes of journey is at an identity level [deliberately not using the words psychological or character]. The gift is planted deeply, probably at the core of personhood. Something that is not of course limited to the gift of leadership, a gift is part of the ‘knitting together of the person’ by God. This knitting together between conception and birth and during new creation i.e. between birth and death, affects the whole being. It is part of ‘the way you are wired up’, to use a phrase from Bill Hybels.
Since these attributes are so close to the core of who the leader is, then they naturally affect the whole being. The outworking of such is often labelled activism.

One of the ways I often describe myself is as a recovering-activist. Someone who is always on the go, mentally and physically. My wife generously describes this as an ‘enormous capacity for work’. But I have come to see this not as a blessing but as a curse, or more politely as the flipside of leadership.

There are many ways that this positive aspect of leadership, the perception and enthusiasm for direction and movement becomes a danger to the health and well-being of the leader and the congregation, church, organisation or company. At this point it is important not to mis-read what I am saying. I am not saying that we have not benefited from the leaders activity and capacity for work. What I am saying is that burnout amongst leaders is a serious matter, as is dis-empowered congregations!

Firstly the leader struggles to rest. I think that I began to learn what rest meant 3 years into full-time ministry when I was ‘sent’ to Malta to rest after losing my voice. Interestingly the voice returned the very first evening in Malta after a 6 week period of not being able to talk at all. In the days that followed I felt that God gave me permission to rest. Not of course that it had held withheld perviously. I would still say that I am learning to rest and release the need to follow-through on every thought.

Secondly, the congregation struggle to keep up. With a leader who is two steps ahead, doing everything and too much, the congregation become dis-empowered because they simply can’t keep up with the speed and plethora of ideas and action points. As a congregation they need someone to point the direction of travel, not someone who has their foot to the floor beckoning people to keep up.

Much of this, and other aspects of the flipside that I plan to write about, are about the leader living for themselves, even if they think they are serving the people. Controlling the flipside, living with the curse, is mostly about learning to live with oneself and serving the needs of the other.

Anglo-catholic and evangelical ‘mystery’

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This week at Ripon College Cuddesdon [check out new website] has been our Themed Study Week. For me that meant a week of sacraments.One of the funniest, frustrating and profound moments was towards the end of an hour or so worming our way through a history of ‘transubtitution’. This, as you may know, is the doctrine of real ‘fleshly’ presence: where the host, the bread, becomes the real flesh and the wine becomes the real blood of Christ.At the crux of this, it came to the point when those amongst the group would need to explain why they indulge in ‘biscuit worship’: why it is they elevate the host, bow in it’s presence at the point of consecration, reserve some sacrament and bow in it’s presence? It is at this point that the magic word came out: “mystery”.And then it struck me, that when the Anglo-Catholics do stuff that they find hard to explain, let alone hard to understand, then they bring out the word “mystery”. And when the charismatic evagelicals are rolling on the floor barking like dogs, and they find it hard to understand and explain, then they too bring out the word “mystery”. And it further struck me that there is little difference between these occurrences.

Smile, it’s Good News!

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A friend of my used to wind me up by calling me ‘smiler’. This was, and is, not because I have a glorious smile on my face all the time. In fact quite the opposite, my face struggles to indicate how I feel inside. Nevertheless, I have been, and still are, on a journey of changing that.

Given that, I am struggling this evening with the difficulty we have with smiling in Church. In particular, around specific seasons of joy, at least on paper anyway. I have been to a few advent / carol services over the years and only one, perhaps two, remain in my mind as joyful occasions. The rest have been at best sombre and at worst dire and misserable! Partly due to the choice of hymns/songs/carols, but mainly due the the lack of smiles.

It seems that the training given to leaders, choirs and those reading is similar to that given to the Queens Guard!! Who are not meant to interact with the teasing public, their are not meant to smile! The contrast was particularly noticeable this evening because the children’s choir where also taking part and children can’t help but smile when there is a sea of parents and grandparents smiling right back at them from the pews.

My journey of smiling has reached the point where I actually look forward to advent, and indeed Christmas festivities. The ‘bah-humbug’ approach is becoming a thing of the past. A journey helped enormously by my joy-filled wife and my joy-filled 3 children. Having got this far on my smile journey I am determined not to let dull and dire services put me off!

Apologies to anyone reading this who thinks or knows that they were involved in one of the advent / carol services I am referring to. But I have to say: Beautiful singing, and indeed words [I did encounter God this evening], but smile, this is good news we have.